Lonesome

Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to about these things. So much of my sexuality is buried and a secret to those around me, it would be so wonderful to have a friend, male or female, to really just talk to me about my penis, its size, and other sorts of related topics. I know that sounds weird to some, but I just have so much I want to get off my chest and a blog is great, but I know no one is reading this. I wish I could share more stories about it, talk about the size of my orgasms (it's pretty freaky how much I can cum. But who can I tell that to?), or whatever is on my mind.

I sound obsessed. I probably am. Do you blame me?

Anyone need to make some extra money?

I would be willing to pay someone just to let me say to them:

"I have a gigantic, thick cock"

I think the whole purpose of this blog is to just finally be able to say that out loud without anyone thinking im a jerk, an ass, etc. I keep it to myself, very few people know, I even make an effort to hide the bulge when I'm not alone. But I just wanna get it off my chest. It's huge. So big, I can't believe it. So why can't I find anyone to tell that to?

Some more random thoughts

Some stream of consciousness thoughts about my cock:

I love that, without a frame of reference, my cock isnt terribly impressive looking. This is because its proportionally as thick as it is long, so it looks "normal". But then when i compare it to something else, I realize its fucking huge as hell. I also love that people who first see it sometimes dont react, until they cant get their hands around it and go "ooooohhh".

i take it for granted that i can stroke it with both hands. most guys only need one. i feel bad for them that they dont know the sensation of holding a heavy thick cock in both hands, with plenty of room left over.

When i watch porn, and the guy is supposedly "hugely hung", i really get hot when i see that im bigger. Its a huge turnon to know im bigger than a porn star.

Im so proud my cock gets completely hard. so many dicks i see in porn this big (and there arent many) dont seem to get totally hard. i think im lucky to have such a gigantic cock that gets rock hard.

I never get to say it. i never have anyone to talk to about it. But my penis is so big. Its amazing.

more later...

Surprise

Sometimes I'm sitting here and I know I'm erect, but I'm not really focusing on it. Then I look down to see it and think "Holy shit!"...like I'd forgotten how big it looks. I wonder why it surprises me. After all these years, at middle age, am I still not aware how big it is? With all I've been through over it, why do I care? Do all guys maybe think this about their cocks regardless of it's size?

Sometimes, it doesn't feel like it's part of me. It seems as detached as a dildo would. I've been this size for 20 years and why am I not used to it by now?

Touching base

I know a few weeks have gone by without an update...I'm usually unsure what to write about. As I keep saying, this is a rare thing for me, confessing secrets about my life. I know I want to talk about the nude modeling I did in college, the Large Penis Support Group site, and a dozen or so amazing events that have happened to me, but I generally wouldnt know where to begin. Plus, there is a bit of internal resistance going on, as I feel a) no one is reading this and b) no one is believing me. Disbelief is a common event if i admit to some of my more wild days...not to mention if i tell someone how huge i am. I guess I dream of being with a person where we share so much trust that I can open up about these sorts of things.

One short comment to make though. Years ago, in college, a couple who were friends of mine used to invite me over to hang out and, at times, watch them have sex. Id sit in a chair by the bed masterbating while they went at it. They enjoyed the exhibitionism (as did I) and it was a win/win short-term thing. However, once they had a baby, the husband became so dangerous and violent that the state had to secretly relocate the mother and son. That was over 10 years ago and I've heard from neither since.

Until 2 weeks ago when the mother reached out to me to say hello on Facebook. She has been living in another state, doing well, and said she really missed our friendship. So we were talking about the whole situation of her moving, whether she missed her old life, and she blurted out "I miss your penis. You have the most beautiful cock I've ever seen!". Well, i was taken aback by her forwardness. We went on to talk about it and she told me how she has thought about it for years and had wished that she could experience it. "I've never ever seen one THAT big." She told me hot wet it made her to watch me stroke it in front of her. She told me how jealous her husband was and how he forbade her to touch me. And she told me of all the men she's been with over the years, none came close to how sexy and perfect my dick is.

I think I was on cloud 9 for a few days after that conversation. Nothing beats a gorgeous blonde woman telling you how beautiful your cock is. Esp over a decade later on her own impetus when you know she clearly is still longing for it.

The Chat

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Random Late Nights Ponderings

It's a real turn on to watch some porn online where the women react to how large the man's penis is. They comment on it, measure it, look nervous. Of course, the real hot part is that in the back of my head, I'm thinking "My cock is bigger/longer/thicker." The comparison against a porn star where I end up with the larger cock...on days I'm depressed that sometimes cheers me up a bit.

Late at night, i sneak down to my basement to have a smoke and take my pants off. After a long day, letting him unfurl and hang alongside my balls feels like the first time all day I could breathe deeply. I'll sit here and let it dangle and alot of my stress of the day seems to go away.

I have a very good friend who has slept with the same woman I had. He admitted to me that she told him all about my cock. She told him "he has a massive piece of meat" and so he wanted to ask me specifically how big. I made sure he really wanted to know. So I told him I was a very thick 10". He paused and replied "My penis is only 4" long." What do you say at that point? "Haha!"? No, of course not. But it did feel like, as friends, we crossed some barrier. He's one of the only few who know and doesnt tease me about it. He said once "I kinda feel bad for you...your ex told me it was a painful experience when you two fucked. Do you wish you were smaller?" I answered, "somedays." He smiled and said, "I'm sorry man" and hugged me. He is a rare rare man and a special friend.

I got high with my female best friend once and I ended up hard. She noticed (and yeah, she already knew i was big) and asked to see it. So I took it out and sat back, letting it stick straight up in the air in her living room. "Jesus, that would ruin me." I hear that alot from women who turn me down.

Apparently I was the topic of one bachlorette party according to a person who was there. No one knew she and I had a secret sexual thing going on, so she kept quiet but the other women spent a long time discussing "Sean's giant dick". I both enjoy and hate being talked about that way when I'm not around. Both.

I've had dozens of 3somes, been invited to help cuckold a man, had a great deal of public sex and masterbation, watched two Russian 19 year olds drunkenly struggle with my size, and done more porn than I'd admit, all because of the size of my penis.

As I write this entry, my penis is hard, resting on the keyboard. If I bend my head down a bit and point it up, mmmmm. I like how it feels in my mouth. Its thick as hell. I've got such a huge cock, it's crazy.