Monday, April 5, 2010

Self-conciousness

It's taken me a while to get up the courage to write some more. I am not accustomed to speaking openly about this and my friend's insistence upon me writing this blog was an attempt to overcome it. Sadly, I have a tough time with that. My mom raised me to be humble and despite all the crazy shit that's happened to me, I still am pretty humble about my dick.

My ex I wrote about before was one of the first women to get off on my size. I dont mean she was the first to get an orgasm over it, or enjoy it, but she was the first person who would get completely soaking wet at the thought of my big dick. She would measure me, pull it out constantly in public places where we could get caught, told her friends about it, etc. She loved it all. Just the thought that her boyfriend was hung turned her into a little nympho.

I gotta admit, this is the hottest thing in the world for a guy like me. I mean, I've had sex a number of times where the woman begged me to stop, or started bleeding vaginally, or in some cases couldn't even get my cock head into her pussy. And while on paper that sounds sexy to some, it really is a let down when she's in pain, or bleeding, and you are left guilty and hard.... I admit, most of the time, I'm pretty self-conscious about my size because of this. People don't realize the reality of this, the difficulties, and so assume its all good for the ego. Sometimes, when the naked woman below you goes "take it out. it hurts." then gets dressed to leave in pain, your ego isn't well-stroked.

Then there are the rare few women like Katie was. Truly in love with very big cocks. She would get me really high and blindfold me at times. Then let a friend come in to look at it and play with it. I would sit there quiet like a statue as they'd whisper about it or touch it. It would be pretty obvious from the voice who it was, but i wouldn't act like i knew. I felt so proud during these moments. Having my cock admired like that. I'd be very turned on and I knew she would be too. Hearing Katie whisper "Isn't this the biggest cock you've ever seen??" to some 'mysterious' stranger was good for my ego.

Lately, I've had too much trouble with my significant other being comfortable with my size. This has depressed me to no end. What I want is someone like Katie. A Size queen. Someone interested not just in big dicks, but one like mine...very long and very fat...a horse-sized one. I want her to be in love with it not just because it's part of me, but because just the sight of it makes her so wet that she can't think straight. So utterly in love with the size. So hot for it she brags to her friends about it. "My boyfriend's cock is so big, i cant get my hand around it!"

It's been a long time since I've heard something positive like that. I guess I'm nostalgic for a time when i wasn't so self-conscious. Sounds silly to put it down into words like this, but it's the truth. Maybe a little appreciation would be nice someday.

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